My kids go to youth group

We live in a small town that doesn’t have a lot of social outlets for kids, so much is church based. All their friends go to youth group and they’re always inviting my kids. The little ones don’t go. We went to MOPS for a while. I liked the free food and didn’t mind that it was religious until I found my 4 yr old playing “sinner, sinner, saved” instead of “duck, duck, goose” with the childcare volunteers. I should have been alarmed when they brought home coloring pages with a bloody crucified Jesus on them, or scripture verses about obeying authority. After a while I’d go and enjoy the breakfast buffet and contact with grown women and leave the kids at home. Not anymore, the MOPS group I attended stopped meeting and I’m just not into it enough to want to move over to the other church. After going there for 4 years, I realized I didn’t really know anyone’s name and wasn’t really friends with anyone. I made smalltalk and ate a huge hot breakfast, that’s really all I wanted. I liked that they celebrated motherhood. Pregnancies and new babies were cheered and monthly guest speakers gave home organization advice and we’d play games & do crafts. It was fun, and I didn’t have too hard of a time ignoring the bullcrap.

But this is crazy. My teenagers keep going to these youth group meetings so they can hang out with their friends, but the stuff they’re teaching these teens just kills me. The other day it was all about how Believers go to heaven. Non believers, Jesus respects that decision but you still go to hell. If you’re on the fence, however, you are the worst scum of the earth. Apparently being unsure is disrespectful. WTF??? What teens are sure of ANYTHING? How can they not see this as psychologically damaging?

Another time, the “message” was about how kids need to forgive their parents for EVERYTHING. No matter what is going on. If your Dad is beating your mom, forgive him. If your mom is cheating on your Dad, forgive her. If they both poke you in the head with needles every time you use foul language, forgive them. I don’t have a problem with forgiveness, but telling a teenager that God wants them to forgive their parents for being assholes is a bit extreme. Don’t bring God into it. Doesn’t their God hold marriage vows sacred? Doesn’t their God say that he’s the final judge, not humans? Sure- it’s good to forgive people. But it’s also good for people to not be jackasses, and if we train our teens to put up with the abusive bullshit of people around them, why would they strive to be good people. You’re forgiven simply because you’re Christian is the most fucked up bullshit in the world. If they could do away with any one of the ten million stupid little lies they tell themselves, this single ONE could change the world.

I asked my daughter how can she stand to go to these things. She said “It’s an experience.” I wish I could say that I’d embrace the experience the way she does. I wouldn’t though. I think I’d be fuming in my seat for the long-term psychological damage these inconsistencies are capable of. The complete lack of logic is insane. How do they not see it? God lays out all these rules for humans to follow and simply believing that Jesus is his son makes you exempt? WTF???

I can’t wait to get my kids out of this town.

16 thoughts on “My kids go to youth group

  1. tam

    I live in a rural small town also and holy crap the religious shit is deep around here. My older daughter also goes to a church thing just to see her friends but she also goes to atheist summer camp. do you think a single ONE of these good Christians would come forward to help us in our time of need? ANY of our times of need? (because lets be honest every family has times they need a hand or even an ear) Not a single one of them could donate a dollar or even a quarter to save a child’s life from institution. Not a single one of them could help when I was down with a broken leg and two squirrely toddlers who needed to run. Not a single one could help when I had my gallbladder out and same day surgery turned into three day affair. So much for the Christian way. I love your blog.

  2. Kathy Post author

    oh man that sucks. I guess we’re lucky that our area is supportive- they just don’t know we’re not Christian. People assume things and I just don’t argue with them. We’ve had meals delivered after our babies are born, emergency roadside help from friends, and the Christian friends I’ve made here have always been eager to help. I wonder, though, if their kindness would be different if they’d known the truth. In all honesty, they should be MORE generous to nonbelievers, in order to lure us over, right?

    I’m sorry you didn’t have support, though whenever I’ve made it through times like that, I always come out stronger, empowered: “I did it ALONE- who needs you jerks?”

  3. tam

    I always say I have E(husband) and he has me. I am thankful for that. if they dont want us who needs em.

  4. Harriet

    Someone finally explained the whole non-believers go to hell thing to me so I understand it. They believe that Heaven is the domain of Jesus. If you didn’t want to hang with him in life, why would you want to hang with him in the afterlife? Makes sense to me.

  5. Kathy Post author

    It still doesn’t make sense to me. Why would we want to hang with a bunch of hypocritical elitists in life, who insist that this world is miserable, when obviously it’s not. Life is AWESOME, amazing. Why would we want to hang with a crowd that assumes humans are sinful and bad when it’s not true. The “bad” that I’ve seen has been in the name of religion. And why should anyone believe that “the afterlife” which no one can prove exists, is only wonderful WITH Jesus? It’s not logical. Where do they think people went when they died BEFORE Jesus was born? Was there no afterlife then? The whole thing is just ridiculous. It’s an elaborate, made-up fantasy designed to control people into allowing their lives to be miserable, for the sake of the afterlife. It’s sick and twisted.

  6. Colby

    Hello, I feel bad for you, I really do. I am a Christian, and I know I am probably going to get flamed for just stating that fact alone. You all must have met some crappy Christians ( not to be judgemental on people), because the ones u know, that are seriously trying to live their life for Him, are amazing people. I realize that people in the past have screwed things up in the Christian name, but we are just humans too, you can’t blame us for all the injustices. I understand that you all do not believe in God, and that is logical to today’s standards. Again, you may take offense to this, but God believes in you. I wouldn’t say that I am a Christian unless I was absolutely certian that God existed. If there is any way to prove that God doesn’t exist please tell me, but really can you explain all our natural laws like gravity, inertia, nuclear strong force, etc. without a God? The Human body, with our proteins and DNA is so complex that there is no possible way that it could happen by chance. If you pull apart a cell, it isn’t going to form back together, not in a billion years. How can we explain love, beauty, and wisdom without a God? They didn’t help our ancestors survive. I am sorry if you take this as me shuving things down your throat, that is not my intention. I don’t know who you are, but I do love you, and more importiantly God loves you too. He I’d real, so I feel that kids should go to youthgroup, and we should go to Church because He created us whether you accept that or not. My prayers go out to you that you will. Just to answer some of the above questions, yes there was an afterlife before Jesus died and rose for us. It is the same afterlife as there is now, Heaven. People before Christ made animal sacrifices to forgive their sins. Also, about the forgiving everyone for all the wrongs they had done thing ( ie. Parents beating children) the reason Christians do this is because we are all still human too. We make mistakes in life, and we sin, but God forgives us of our sin if we ask him to, so why shouldn’t we also forgive others. Bad things happen, but you can’t really move forward unless you forgive whomever wronged you. I’m sorry this message took so much of your time to read, but if your interested in what I am saying, google a man named Lee Strobel, he can explain to you better than I can. God Bless, Colby Hetcel ( if you do have actual questions about God, and not just negitive flaming comments, you can email me at

  7. Kathy Post author

    LOL. Was that a joke? Chet, if you’re real, please take a physics class. And not a church-based physics class, a real actual SCIENCE course that explains how the physical world works.

    OMG, that had to be a joke.

  8. Colby

    I have taken physics classes, and chemistry courses, that were not religious and concluded the same thing.

  9. adrianne

    I stumbled onto this site on accident.Actually while googling Christian homeschool info. Chet was respectful in his comments.And they seemed to come from a place of love and concern,and a desire to spread God’s word.I too feel the same way.But it seems that the lady on here is not very respectful in her blog of opposing view points.Jesus is real and so is the salvation He offers.I am not going to ramble too much here.But I will just leave you with a thought.If I go through life believing and following the Lord,and I were to end up being wrong…what is the harm?I would have lived a good,honest,moral life…as good as I could,and then I am dead.period,end of it,no harm done.But what happens for atheists if they get to the end of their life and they are wrong?

  10. tel

    I am so sorry that Christians have done such a horrible job explaining and modeling how we are supposed to live and love. I have many Christian and non-Christian friends and have been able to depend on both when I have been stuck in a jam. I also have tried my hardest to be available and helpful to anyone that I know that needs it. It is not a Christian’s job to be the judge and jury of anyone’s life, it is too bad that many have given that impression. Perhaps non-Christians should not be judge and jury of a Christian’s life. You are actually doing exactly what you accuse others of, we aren’t perfect either. Just people. Hopefully we live our lives as a blessing to others. In the end isn’t that what we should all be doing anyway? If you see a person in need, shouldn’t you do your best whether you are a Christian or not and whether they are or not? Adrianne said it the best, if we are wrong, no harm done. If we are right…well, hopefully you will consider this possibility.

  11. Nicole

    Adrianne, how exactly does one force themselves to believe in God because they are afraid to be wrong when they die? How do you trick your mind into believing something when you acknowledge that there may not be a God? Nothing about Christianity is logical, and it is so easy to live life as a generous, giving, loving person without having to feel guilty about everything you do. This is not a dress rehearsal people, don’t waste your time waiting for an afterlife that may not exist! Seize the day! Say it with me, PERSONAL ACCOUNTABILITY… no need to always hand your crap over to god and hope it disappears…

  12. Kathy Post author

    Ummm… because they’re idiots? People believed, for centuries, even in the face of scientific proof, that the earth was flat. People believed that causing someone to nearly bleed to death would cure their illnesses. People believed that babies in the womb were protected by the placenta and that newborns were blind… People believe stupid things. Just because a lot of people believe it doesn’t make it true.

  13. Nick

    Hi, my name is Nick, im 18 years old, soon to move out and I’m looking for a little advice. I grew up in a christen home, but see the ignorance in the belief. My family consists of some pretty hard headed, anti-gay conservatives, that of which makes it really hard when you might like Obama (not looking for a political debate) and have been questioning your sexuality for quite a while. Basically, I just want to know if I should come out of my atheist closet or not. I love my family and don’t like lieing to them about my beliefs. I go to youth group and church every sunday. Instead of hating it, I think of it almost like a history lesson where I get to go back in time and learn about what the crazies believed back then and I like youth group because you get to hang out with friends and the youth pastor tosses me candy every time I remember my bible. lol but every time I hear hate on science I want to explode. This evangelical youth group in Florence Oregon called Church on the Rock once said that science is actually the problem in our society, a few seconds later he texted his mother on his super advanced smart phone. I really don’t know what I should do. I’t would be easy to keep my mouth shut, but these people are really damaging our society. What should I do?

  14. Molly

    Nick, I have gone through a similar situation. I realize this is a bit late, but if you are still checking this thread, email me.
    Hope everything works out for the best for you!

  15. Libby

    I understand how frustrating it is to be in your position. I was raised Jehovah’s Witness! Don’t lie about who you are. Sometimes though it’s better for things to be slowly revealed with people, so I don’t recommend a big, “God is dead!” As far as showing them their errors, I decided when I left the religion I was raised in I was done proselytizing. It doesn’t work and just creates barriers. Society is changing and while it’s frustrating to see people seeming to slow it down they can’t and aren’t. People like them have been around forever (think Galileo) but guess what? Just about everyone accepts that the current model of the solar system. Did that Pope change? No, society slowly did. Save yourself and them a lot of frustration and don’t try to convert people. It saddens me to see atheists and agnostics doing exactly what they fault believers for, including judgement. Sometimes too they are better off with their deceptions. I kind of hope my mother never figures out that the bible is not inspired or that Jehovah is a mistranslation. I don’t think she’d make it. I mean that in a literal way.
    Move out, stop going to churches like that (I’ve been going to a Unitarian church and I enjoy that) and just live your life. Answer any questions your parents give you with direct, gentle and respectful answers. Hope that helps.

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