Stupid Christian Facebook Statuses

Here are just a few of the Stupid Christian Facebook Statuses showing on my board. What about you? Are there any you find particularly annoying? Add them to the comment section. Hopefully some bozo who googles “Christian Statuses for Facebook” will find us. Consider it reverse evangelism – WAKE UP YOU IDIOTS. YOU ARE YOUR OWN MASTER, DAMMIT.

WITHOUT GOD… our week would be: Sinday, Mournday, Tearsday, Wasteday, Thirstday, Fightday, Shatterday, Seven days without God – Makes one Weak! (If you’re not ashamed of God, post this to your status.)

We are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes,
If grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking.
And Heaven meets earth like an unforseen kiss,
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest,
I don’t have time to maintain these regrets,
When I think about, the way… He love us

What consumes your thoughts today????? FEAR, LACK, SADNESS, DESPAIR, PAIN, BROKEN RELATIONSHIPS??? Jeremiah 29:11) For I know the plans I have for you,” says the LORD. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. 12) In those days when you pray, I will listen. 13) If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me.

So what are the lamest religious facebook statuses on your page?

89 thoughts on “Stupid Christian Facebook Statuses

  1. Charity

    Oh, that days of the week one is the worst I have seen!

    Here’s one on mine right now:

    “Did you know that Jesus loves YOU! No matter who you are; no matter what you’ve done in the past; no matter where you’ve been, Jesus loves YOU! He formed you in your mother’s womb. Even if you were a ‘suprise’, you were not a suprise to Him. God loves you and has awesome plans for your life!”

    (Misspelling of ‘surprise’ not mine.)

  2. Jen

    “Support Tim Tebow’s Superbowl Ad: Go Tebow!” and then a link to an article about how he was almost aborted but God brought him to his adoptive parents. (I’ve hidden almost everyone on my list who post religious status updates, so I didn’t have a lot to choose from.)

    I don’t copy and paste those status updates that people keep copying and pasting into theirs, but I’ve been tempted to write: “If you think the bible is full of crap, psychologically damaging, and detrimental to society, copy and paste this to your status. 97% of you won’t copy and paste it because you’re scared of being bullied by christians, or you don’t think FB is the right venue for religious proclamations.”

  3. Mrs. C

    I am a Christian (conservative, even) and it bothers me as well when I see updates like this. Had to clue one lady in that um, the names of the days of the week are already pretty non-Christian, thankyouverymuch. At least I haven’t seen a “months of the year” status update. Yet.

    And the “keep the Christ in Christmas” thing? I want to pull my hair out when I hear that! I’m not all upset that everyone wants to put lights on trees and stuff… but can we acknowledge that this is so Pagan as to be ludicrous to defend? “Say Merry Christmas” campaigns?

    I should rather require all my cashiers to recite the doxology instead of telling me to “have a nice day” if I have to fight about stuff like that. Which thankfully, I don’t.

    Annnyway… thanks for commenting on my blog. 🙂

  4. Mrs. C

    PS Please check links, as I didn’t add any link to “C h r i s t” myself. I’m not sure if you have odd software or a bug, but thought I’d bring it to your attention.

  5. Kathy Post author

    Hi, it’s a text-link ad server, it automatically inserts random links and I get paid when people click them. I imagine that would be confusing, it took me a minute to figure out what you were talking about 🙂 It’s either infolinks or kontera, I’m not sure.

  6. DuG

    I was recently asked by my Mormon mother to not be so “aggressive” with my anti-religion rhetoric, that I was offending a great number of people on my Facebook. Now granted, I have never came out and said anything like “you God-fearin’ types are idiots! Can’t you see how delusional your ‘beliefs’ are?” Instead, I would say something anecdotal & humorous just to make ya think, or a quote of some *shudder* famous person talking about religion stunting mental growth. I get this a lot though… I’m asked to silence my views while the scripture posts & “pray for this, pray for that” continue marching on. I’ll be damned if I’m going to silence my ideas, regardless of whom is asking.

    Love your blog. 🙂

  7. Marva

    There is one thing, that I know for sure, it is that YOU love me, more than I could EVER know! YOU changed my life , so I give You my ALL. You are WORTHY!!!! There is NO substitute for YOUR love.!!! I will sing for YOU ALWAYS! THERE IS NO GOD LIKE MY GOD! He rules the earth, Let all creation sing His praise.

    Praises to the Lord Jesus on High!!!! have a blessed day!

  8. lclampi

    Daily ” On this day, God Wants you to Know” followed by dribble like this….that although forgiveness is very hard, it is necessary. Holding onto anger and old hurts hardens your heart and hurts only you. Ask for help in letting go of the anger. Ask to see the situation through the eyes of compassion. Allow yourself to feel the lightness of forgiveness.

    I’m all for letting go of anger but I don’t need the help of an imaginary being thank you very much.

  9. Just Don't Get It

    Oh, where to start?
    Here are just a handful:

    “Does serving the Lord make you uncomfortable? I am praying He disrupts my comfort”

    “If we are “foolish” enough to step out in faith, he is faithful enough to show up!!!”

    “I love to ask questions and find out about what drives you. I love to hear about how God has changed the lives of those who love Him and those who are hearing His call. ”

    And, my personal favorite:

    “I love rollercoasters–He is the Conductor and the seatbelt”

    I need new “friends”…

  10. Marva

    Here’s another one. Notice the spelling error in the first sentence. And dude, I’m not empty. Life is good.

    God loves you more then you could EVER imagine. You were created with a purpose and a destiny only you can fill. Don’t let anyone rob that from you. There is a place in your heart only He can fill. You will always be empty without Him. His grace is enough!!

  11. Idk my bff jill

    Obama spends………
    Jesus saves!
    It’s that simple!
    My fave and yes I am a Christian and totally offended by this post not to mention all you are doing is worshiping rocks! My God saved me he can do the same for you I promise!

  12. Hanna

    Jesus loves you, no matter what u think, say, or do. With that said- i will DEF pray for you all that cannot see that jesus christ is clearly the right way to go, this really saddens me for you- God Bless you all

  13. Katie

    Hannah Andrews you know your kids are watching too much PBS when they say (while fanning their face) “it’s so hot here ’cause of global warming. global warming as almost everwhere.”Yesterday at 3:41pm · Comment ·LikeUnlike · View Feedback (6)Hide Feedback (6)

    Mark Lackey I’d wash their mouths out with soap if my kids said that.
    Yesterday at 3:44pm

    Erin Watson Herzog nooooooooo!!!!
    Yesterday at 4:25pm

    Hannah Andrews that’s what I get for letting them watch a government funded science cartoon.
    Yesterday at 4:58pm

    Mark Lackey what, Sid the Science Kid? Matthew loves that. I guess I better pay closer attention to what he is watching.
    Yesterday at 5:05pm

    Jana LeBlanc Seriously! Xav started going around turning off lights I WAS using and telling us we didn’t recycle enough!
    Yesterday at 5:37pm

    Hannah Andrews I’m pretty sure it was Fetch. (comes on at 4:30pm) but I wouldn’t be surprised if Sid the Science Kid has some similar shows. They are trying to brain wash them! and it’s working!
    and our kids don’t even go to public school!
    Yesterday at 8:11pm

  14. Marva

    OK- here are two showing on my board today

    Great day at the ball field! NO RAIN, God is good! Appears all the boys enjoyed their tryouts! Looking forward to a great day at church tomorrow!

    like- would God be any LESS good if it had rained?

    Church tonight was awesome!! I was healed and I believe the devil that was in my son has left him. I am so praying it has. If anyone local needs the most moving inspirational service you have ever been to in your life please visit Freedom Valley Worship Center in Gettysburg tomorrow morning at 9:15 or 11:15 am. They have a guest speaker from Sweden. AMAZING!!

    and then she goes on to comment on her own post

    His name is Johannes Amritzer and the way he speaks the word will move even the hardest of hearts I was witness to that tonight! He will be at Freedom Valley for both services tomorrow. Add him to your Facebook as well. Check out his new book “Preist for those who Don’t Go To Church”. Man I cant say enough about him. God thank you for saving me and speaking to me through Johannes tonight AMEN!

    Can I vomit now?

  15. Jim

    Go for it Lucinda! Get good curriculum. Establish a good routine, and you’ll be leaving the naysayers going, “Well he turned out the nicest young man. Wish his cousins had homeschooled.” That’s not to say homeschooling is the answer to all humanities ills. You will need Jesus for that. : ) Hope all goes well.
    ————————-
    wtf? Do they really think Jesus is the answer to all humanity’s ills? Honestly? I’m not blaming Jesus, but the people who worship him are friggin’ lunatics. If he ever did exist, I imagine he’d be shocked by what goes on in his name.

  16. Brandon

    Why do you all make fun of Christians for what they believe? Everyone talks about Christians needing to be more accepting of others when in all actuality no one is accepting of Christians. I think pages like this are just immature at best.

  17. nuka

    the craziest religious post came from someone who was arguing that obama was a baby murderer and homosexual loving villian. i said that her hateful speak didnt sound very “christian like” to which she promptly replied:

    “i dont hate gay people, JESUS hates gay people!!!!!!”

    nuff said. are you feelin’ the love in her “saved” heart??

  18. Kayla

    Oh, I love this. I found this site looking for secular curriculum for my kids. I actually have about 6 of my closest friends from high school blocked, because every status is about God and how he’s been so good to them in their lives. Blah blah. I felt bad, at first, but now that I know I’m not alone…I don’t feel so dang bad anymore! LOL

  19. Kayla

    Brandon—

    I have great respect for what people believe…just not when its shoved down my throat on a daily basis. Two of my best friends are actually ministers for a local, self-started nondenominational Christian church. I don’t post in my Facebook status everyday how no longer needing a magical God in my life has given me such peace and truth. I think they’d get pretty upset about that, too. Most Christians just act as if theirs is the only viewpoint that needs to be respected in this world, as indicative by the need to keep homosexuals from marriage, God in the pledge of allegiance, etc. It gets old.

    Hanna—

    You kind of proved the previous point.

  20. Kayla

    DuG—

    Just one thing, though. I really think that some people do not have the right frame of mind to live a productive life as an atheist. They need a god in their lives to function, to be happy. I believe what I believe, but I do not make it my business to try to “preach the words” that I believe. If someone asks, I answer. Otherwise, most people don’t even know I’m atheist.

  21. Kathy Post author

    Have you ever noticed that people that don’t let Jesus into their lives, are very mad and angry???
    about an hour ago · Comment · Like

    ya thats cuz there is no one to fall back on and feel lost inside basicly
    about an hour ago

  22. Lisa

    Kayla,

    I found this the same way! I am having a good laugh at these comments!
    FACT: MOST christians are mindless brainwashed and close-minded. period.

  23. Kathy Post author

    This nearly made me puke today

    I asked Jesus how much do you love me? Jesus replied this much and stretched his arms on the cross and died. If you believe in God put this in your status. 97% of you won’t put this on your status. What Jesus did on the cross was because he was thinking of you. 3% of you will stand up for him.

  24. Liz

    Alot of people want to put Christian stuff their status then let them and if you don’t enjoy Reading them or want to
    ‘vomit’ when Reading them then just delete them
    off your friends list. I’m sure the last time I checked facebook was completely voluntary and didn’t force you to befriend all us Christians!!! It’s interesting how so many of you don’t believe in it but always find the time to moan or try and disprove it. I don’t believe in talking frogs but I don’t spend all of my time trying to disprove it! Think about it, for something that isn’t true- it sure as heck gets on alot of peoples nerves!!!

  25. Kathy Post author

    I’m sure that if a great portion of your facebook status updates were from friends who were trying to convince you talking frogs existed, to tell you what the frog said to them and to discuss the frog’s thoughts and perspectives all the time you’d be a bit annoyed. besides, this is an ATHEIST website. This is a fine place to bitch and moan about the onslaught of nonsense our friends and families are shoving down our throats. Un-friending someone just because they post things we disagree with, that’s very Christian of you.

  26. Lisa

    I love Kathy’s response.
    I have actually joined a couple of Atheist FB groups, and had so called “friends” delete me from their list because I don’t share their beliefs.

  27. jenn

    “This goes out to all my friends who have lost someone dear to them and all the others who long to be in the arms of Jesus!!! I know I can’t wait!! What a wonderful day that will be! :)”

    followed by a youtube video of Chris Rice- Smile

  28. Allison

    Not doing so hot today… Isn’t it funny (although I am having trouble laughing) how the moment you accept an invitation to further God’s kingdom, you suddenly find yourself in the crosshairs of the enemy… YUCK! We ARE at war! Cowboy up!!!

  29. Wilhemina N.

    I hate when Christains post religous crap as their status. What if family or friends of theirs aren’t religous or don’t share the same religous view or belief? Then the ‘non-believers’ should just ignore it. It ticks me off that it can’t be that easy. It’s not fair. CHRISTAINS: One of the main teachings of the Bible is: TREAT PEOPLE THE WAY YOU WANT TO BE TREATED. Correct? Then why are you just randomly praying and feeling bad for people who AREN’T RELIGOUS? We don’t like it. It’s disrespectful to our beliefs. You seriously are going to sit there and say YOU ARE MISTREATED? I come from a family that is HIGHLY religous on both sides. I only believed in God ’cause that’s how I was raised. Then I became confused upon the subject of religion and made my OWN decision on what I believed, not my families. I’m an Atheist and I’m turning 12 in not even a month. ALL MY FRIENDS are religous. They tell me, “You need to believe and accept that Jesus died on the cross for our sins and that he’s our savior.”

  30. Wilhemina N.

    THERE ISN’T ANYONE who shares the same belief as me. Christains majorly overrule and you get mad that we have a little website to talk about what WE BELIEVE? And besides, we don’t worship rocks. We don’t worship period. We’re ATHEISTS REMEMBER? I have 100% no room to judge and refuse to do so, but the Bible says: TREAT PEOPLE THE WAY YOU WANT TO BE TREATED. Correct? Then don’t be praying on us if we don’t even believe in it.

  31. Courtney

    I am a christian and i do update my statuses about Jesus sometimes. But i can completely respect if someone doesnt have the beliefs i do. I wouldnt go posting it on someones wall who i knew did not agree with me. I am not going to start anything with anyone to try and prove a point that i think im right. i think that is obvious that whatever your belief is you are going to believe it is right! It bothers me when anyone is radical and tries pushing their views on someone else.

    I have a roommate. i cant even have a conversation with someone else about religion if she is in the same room. i think this is a bunch of bs. but i also think that people forcing their ideals of jesus and God on anyone is ridiculous

  32. Courtney

    Wilhemina, i just read your post and i want to make the point that to christians, praising jesus is a way of life, just as with any religion your praising your believed higher power is a way of life. i dont agree with your friends telling you that you have to accept jesus, or anything else. most of the time i know when i change my status i dont even think that i am offending anyone because i am sharing my beliefs on my profile and not posting it directly on anyones wall. I cant speak for everyone but i know that when i do it i dont do it as a way to force Jesus, or Allah,or Muhammed,or Buddah,etc on anyone or make them feel bad about their lives or anything. I just figure that Athiests are indifferent to religion and would be indifferent to a status update having to do with religion. There are plenty of people in the world who like to start controversy, and there are christians that are no exception. But based on what i have been taught im pretty sure anyone who truly has a belief similar to mine, wouldnt outcast someone or make them feel bad or obligated to do anything based on their beliefs.

  33. Anonymous

    Apparently I am a bozo, I did google “Christian Status Updates”. I did so so that I could Glorify my God, my LORD, who created me and loves me for who I am not only what I believe. For all you athiests on this site, God loves you even though you hate him or don’t believe in him. I am only 15 and clearly I know more than most of you. I know that I sin on a daily basis. And I know that my sin is forgiven. I know I am loved. I know that I will be loved forever. I know I’m not going to BURN IN HELL one day because I didn’t listen to everyone else. Just saying.

    (and Courtney, God commands that we become fishers of men. If you aren’t even trying to save your friends from an eternity of pain, then you are just going through the motions.)

  34. Anonymous

    JESUS LOVES YOU NO MATTER WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HE DOES HE DOES HE DOES READ THE BIBLE SEEK TRUTH I WILL BE PRAYING FOR YOU IN THE NAME OF JESUS!!!!!!!! YOU NEED JESUS HE WILL SAVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GOD IS HERE FOR YOUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! JESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS ISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  35. stacy

    I am new to this blog & thank you for writing it. I’m in my second year of un-schooling 3 kids & we’re Atheists who’re having some troubles finding secular curriculum. Anyway, here’s my contribution: “You came from heaven to earth, to show the way. From the earth to the cross, my debt to pay. From the cross to the grave, from the grave to the sky. Lord I lift your name on high.” This is an ex-boyfriend who in the last few years went from non-religious to born-again boarding on extreme. Bleh!

  36. hjhkjhjkhjkhjhjkhk

    Why do you guys hate God? God is great. Jesus died on the cross for your sins, so you can go to heaven. All you have to do is say Jesus i know your Lord and I know your my savior and u will be saved. If you said that to God, and if u meant it, and wanted to say it. You will be amazed how great your life is. and there will be hard times because God’s testing your love for him. and just to let you know Gods not mad at you, hes not dissapointed… he loves you! And he wants to be ur father! So plz pray tht prayer and mean it… and tell other ppl bout God! Love you. And go to church so u can learn more bout wat God does for you. I rly hope u guys pray tht cuz thts the only way top heaven and i hope to c u all there because thats what me and God want! and theres room for all of us in heaven!! ♥ :]

  37. Laura

    TO ALL ATHIESTS:

    I would rather die a Christian and find out there is no God, then die a sinner and find out there is.

    We are not perfect, just forgiven.

    I think you’re messing with the wrong person by posting this stuff, but guess what? God still loves you, he forgives you. But life is so short, accept Jesus into your life.

  38. just me today

    I don’t hate God. Hating God would be an enormous waste of time. Kind of like loathing a bandersnatch.

  39. Justin

    Wilhemina, at 12 years old you have more grammar skills than most. Especially more than the unintelligent christian scum that are comment bombing this page. I commend you for sticking up for yourself and defending your beliefs to your family and friends. At that age in a christian family, it is hard to have independent beliefs. My parents used to ground me for asking questions and telling them I didn’t want to go to church. I was told I had no choice, even having meals taken away for asking about the idiocracy in the bible.

  40. Jasmin Rodriquez

    So you guys read these christian statuses and say: can I vomit now?!
    yea well maybe you are the missing link that Darwin theory, but I know I am the daughter of my father Jesus, king of kings <3
    you have any better proof that your ancestors were monkeys?

  41. SelphieFairy

    @Laura

    So basically, you do it out of fear? Wonderful. You believe “just in case.” You might as well convert yourself to every single religion and believe in every single god that exists in the world “just in case.” Who knows? Maybe those reptilians were right?

    Christians need to get over themselves.

  42. Kelyn

    @Jasmin
    Are you ignorant? I’m 14 and even I know that ‘the missing link’ is just a stupid misconception made by religious folk to dispute the theory of evolution. No, we did not evolve from monkeys; we evolved from a common ancestor of the chimpanzees; get your information correct before you try to complain about scientifically proven facts. If your father is Jesus, king of kings; then I’m the Devil incarnate, the Anti-Christ, and the love of money all rolled together into one package.

  43. I am saved.

    i am almost 13 and i became a christian and properly understood and believed when I was about 12 and a half.

    I have witnessed miracles. I have witnessed healings through prayer that no one can explain. I dont mean like praying for someone and over time they get better (though i have seen that), basically i mean miracles. a really good friend of mine from my church has always been half blind. for years she has had operations, prayer but nothing worked. no doctors could say what was wrong cus they just didnt know. anyway, she was at this monthly christian youth evening with singing, worship and stuff. i go to it. its amazing. and they basially, started playing quiet music and invited the holy spirit into the room and prayed. just randomly, nothing effectively in particular. its amazing, when the holy spirit is in the room you cant actually explain it, its just…incredible. its way beyond explainable!! ive only ever expericenced it once, and i burst into tears of joy..i never meant to. and im not an emotional person at all, ive never cried at a film or anything. when my grandad died..i never cried. but this just came over me like a wave. anywaay, back to my friend that evening. she was praying, as was us all. and, she thought she heard a voice in her head. but she decided she was imaginging it and carried on praying. it came again, so so clear. she said it was nothing like she had heard before. it said, “open your eyes”. so she did.

    and ever since that evening, her sight has been perfect. no operations, no doctors, not even any glasses. they were, just like that, perfect.

    PRAISE THE LORD <3

    guys seriously, jesus is standing there, with his hand out. he wants a relationship with you. he died to save us from our sins and also to make it possible to be in a relationship with god. JESUS SAVES.

    he is my best friend, he always will be. i really encourage you to meet him yourselves. he is truly incredible.

  44. Pvt. Parks

    @Kelyn
    You are an extremely intelligent young woman. I’m glad you’re not wasting it by going to church.
    @I am saved.
    Oh! Good for you! ALMOST 14? That’s great, really. Oh, and I call major bullsh*t on your little story there. Seriously, if miracles like that happened, why is there no credible documentation on the regrowth of a limb? Isn’t it funny how all these “miracles” happen in the United States, as opposed to someone in a third-world country who actually needs their eyesight to survive? Here all you’ll miss out on are videogames.
    I am a soldier in the Army and I’m here to say: There are atheists in foxholes. More than you think.

  45. Gam

    Well, it’s hilarious that this site cannot exist without some good ‘ol bashing. What makes the statuses stupid? because you don’t agree with it? weird.

    I have to say, thanks for posting the article, because I’ve just updated my status with one of them. Enjoy yourselves but take it easy on the anger.

    cheers!

  46. JESUS IS THE BEST!

    THE JOY YOU GET WHEN YOUR IN AN INTIMATE RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD IS INDESCRIBLE! SEX,DRUGS,PEOPLE, CAN ND WILL HURT YOU BUT JESUS CHRIST NEVER WILL! HE LOVES YOU EVEN WHEN YOU DON’T LOVE YOURSELF.HE GIVES YOU YOUR WORTH! AND MY FELLOW FRIENDS ME AND ALL OF YOU WHO ARE REBUKING JESUS ARE JUST THE SAME HE LOVES ALL EQUALLY BUT THE ONLY DIFFERENCE IS I LOVE HIM BACK ND I’M TRYING TO LIVE A RIGHTEOUS LIFE THAT WILL BE PLEASING TO HIM! THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO OR SAY TO MAKE GOD’S LOVE FOR YOU INCREASE OR DECREASE! HE LOVES US ALL,JUST KNOW THAT! #MUCH LOVE TO ALL OF YOU 🙂

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